In the latest attempt to forestall moral and  economic bankruptcy the government has decided to sell off its stock of election promises

Investors will be able to buy promises at a Standard, 14 Carat Nonsense or Gilt Edged Super Gullible level

Standard crap

The standard investment will cost the voter his or her vote and will allow the government to make the following promises

·       Taxes will be cut

·       Services will be improved

·       The economy will be fixed

·       NZ will try to make an impact on something at the UN

14 Carat Nonsense

Those opting for a height level of promise are able to invest in the 14 carat nonsense. This will cost the voter his vote plus 1 $1000 donation to part funds. In exchange for this the voter will receive the following promises

·       Taxed will be abolished

·       Government services will be improved to the point that they are actually acceptable

·       The economy will be positively buoyant

·       NZ will play a huge part on the world stage

Gilt Edged Super Gullible level

The significantly wealthy can indulge in the gilt edged super gullible option. This involves the submission of their vote, a $2,000,000 donation to party funds plus there promise of future votes by offspring (who will be held hostage until they reach voting age)

Under this option the government will promise

·       All voters will be given vast sums of money to do with what they wish.  Drugs prostitutes and precious metals will also be made freely available to those whose moral standards permit.

·       Each citizen will have their own personal civil servant at their beck and call living in an annex to their house that will be built at government expense.

·       The economy will perform so well that everyone will be out constantly partying on the street

·       NZ will end poverty, war, hunger and sporting disappointment world-wide. NZ will establish a new world order based on the buzzy bee and number eight fencing wire that will make everyone see that it is just how  great to be  kiwi and will have the entire world (except Australia) begging to become its colony.

Parties are also in talks about future selling excuses for not living up to its promises

Ideas floated to the PM include standard excuses such as “the outgoing party have left is in with such a mess we are unable meet our goals” and for a government that gets re-elected the old “We had to give that idea up in the interest of forming a working coalition” chestnut,  rising in  value to “At the time I made that promise I was possessed by aliens who were in control of my thoughts and actions” (buyers of this option will be eligible for a cabinet post).